Lyra Brown

Tin Girl

Oops
Look, the power is out again 
and they don’t know when it will be back 
At least you’ve got your candles 
to keep you company 

Oops, I’m disappointed again 
I guess that’s just what I get 
For letting my expectations 
get the best of me 

Don’t look back now, 
don’t you dare now 
‘Cause if you do 
I will turn to dust right before your eyes 
And then you will be compelled to collect 
the remnants of what I once was 
Wishing you had made time to apologize 

You said: “nothing is real in the end” 
But what of the wings that I mend? 
I could kill you with the blade inside my pen 
Lost all my limbs in the fight 
Waging what’s wrong and what’s right 
You don’t think I will, but I might I might. 

Look, the feeling is gone again, 
that is if it was here at all 
I keep my window open 
just in case it calls 

Oops, I’m in love again 
I guess that’s just what I get 
For letting you cut me open 
to look inside my chest 

Look ahead now, watch your step now 
‘Cause if you don’t you may end up 
belly up on your back 
And then a crowd of ignorant people will surround you 
Waiting for you to react 

You said: “nothing is real in the end” 
But what of the wings that I mend? 
I could kill you with the blade inside my pen 
Lost all my limbs in the fight 
Waging what’s wrong and what’s right 
You don’t think I will, but I might I might.

 

Out but Thru 
Cracked skin, porcelain  
Sharpening your claws  
You smiled once, you looked happy  
Like an accident on pause  
Blink twice: you’re in the backyard  
Watching the lilacs die  
Ash covered shoulder blades  
Reminiscing on when you used to fly  

Go slow in the fast lane, honey  
Well it looks like you’re on cue  
Would I tell you what it felt like, baby  
Well there’s no way out but through  
Quick wit, unzipping the armour that you wear  
You fashioned a blanket out of the reasons  
Why you were scared  
Wanting to be loved so desperately  
So that you wouldn’t have to look  
At the graveyard diggers that you dreamt about  
Before you bit the hooks  

Saw your face through the veil  
My old house is up for sale  
The old haunts inside my head  
Are telling me i’m left for dead  
There’s no place to belong  
Except the inside of a song  
Tell me one thing that you know:  
You have to be uncomfortable  
If you wanna grow. 

 

Know Now, Then 
I miss the way you held your pen  
I miss the way you said my name  
I may never see you again  
But I have your picture in a frame  

Do you still smell the same?  
Do you still tell the truth?  
If you ever look for me  
I’ll be in the pages of our youth  

I’ll cut it out, I’ll try again  
If only I knew what I know now, then  

Loneliness can make us do  
All kinds of senseless things  
All the time I spent with you  
Was like a wounded pair of wings  

Nostalgia is a pretty liar  
Insisting things were better  
Than they actually were at the time  
At the time, at the time 

 

Home Again 
Always the sentimental one  
Using the words you wrote down  
Long ago, when you ran the show  

Breaking an empty promise  
Craving an affectionate cigarette kiss  
Always used to the consistently inconsistent  

You can’t go home again  
You can go...  
You can go home again  
You can’t go....  

Always the super cautious one  
Filling the void of boredom  
Living on the sly, blushing in the sky  
I was restless reckless and I swear sometimes  
I don’t even wanna feel  
Don’t even want to heal...  

You can’t go home again  
You can go....  
You can go home again  
You can’t go....  

So take off the people pleasing smile  
Show them what you really know  
Show them what you really know...  

 

Salad Days 
I’ve always been a moth to flame  
But that don’t mean that I’m to blame  
For the faulty switch inside your brain  
How I long to be free of these chains  

Everything is standing still  
Half of me in for the kill  
Hope for the best, expect the worst  
Is this body a blessing or a curse?  

I’m not made of tin anymore  
Than I wanted to win the war  
Of you and I, so what’s the use?  
When all you have is some cheap excuse  
You gave me grief and took my youth  
And that’s the truth  

You came to me inside a dream  
I opened my mouth but couldn’t scream  
You said: “click your heels and you’ll be home”  
So I did and woke up alone 

 

A Little Vulture Told Me 
I can feel the leaky faucet of my butane brain  
Flood the sad and lonely streets that pollute your veins  
And I’m tired of wanting you to need me  
I watch you writhe and wriggle with itchy skin  
Sharing a sleeping bag with truth is not an easy thing  
And I’m tired of watching you destroy you  

What have you got to lose?  
I’m not here for you to lose  

I was trying to fill the hole inside my stupid heart  
When you picked me up and placed me back into the darkest part  
Of a story of a vulture that leaves you picked apart  
It’s no wonder I was lazy with trying not to lose  

I’m not here for you to lose  
What have you got to lose?  

I was carving out a way for us to dine and dash  
We’ve got fear to keep us company and of course panache  
I was crying when you told me not to laugh 

 

A Moment Ago 
Where did I put my confidence?  
I could have sworn that I had it just a moment ago  
A moment ago  
You’re on the hunt for your other half  
I’m just trying to figure out how to laugh  
Through the pain, through the shame  

Tried to fit through the hole in the wall  
Walked on the tightrope but I didn’t fall  
Made up a home out of a box  
Yeah, you can hide but you can’t escape your thoughts  

Where did I put my sense of self?  
I could have sworn I was someone else just a moment ago  
A moment ago  
Couldn’t get out of bed for a week  
Gotta try and fake it though ‘cause if you’re sad  
They think you’re weak  

Where did put my confidence?  
I could have sworn that I had it  
Just a moment ago  
Just a moment ago 

 

The Worm Song 
I recall the day you called and said: “Hey I packed my bags,  
I’m going on a trip and guess who’s not invited?”  
Oh perfectionist, you might break a nail over this  
But you ain’t gunna break any hearts so you might as well  
crumble ‘Cause you ain’t gunna be missed!  

I recall what I was doing that one time I was munching on an apple  
and I turned my head then looked back at it  
And a worm said: “Hey this is my home! Who are you to  
use it for the sake of being satisfied and satiated?  
Karma’s a bitch kid, I work hard - I’m dedicated!”  

I know I’ll soon go mad  
What with pissing off worms and reveries of days gone bad  
But what good is praying going to do  
When the thing you love is dying in the next room?  
What good is loving going to do  
When the thing you hate is laughing right beside you?  

Once in a while there’s that reminder  
That says “you’re not needed here, you’re just an under liner”  
And they will use you and abuse you and reduce you  
To nothing but a stained sheet of a  
New Document Arial: font 12 BOLD New Document Arial: font 12 BOLD!  

I know I’ll soon go mad  
What with pissing off worms and reveries of days gone bad  
But what good is praying going to do  
When the thing you love is dying in the next room?  
What good is loving going to do  
When the thing you hate is laughing right beside you?  

 

The Mermaid Song 
Last night I found myself weeping for all I have yet to lose  
For things I wish for safe keeping, for all I have yet to prove  
You gave me your porcelain shoulder  
I cried for time and getting older  
I cried for the wasted years  
I cried for my unconquerable fears  

This restless heart, what a wretched mess  
It needs a bigger chest  
All the love and all the hate  
Growing more and less and less  
You say you love me but I know  
There are rooms in you I’ll never go  
Do not disturb signs, doors locked shut  
Passwords I could never guess with the best of luck  

I guess the root of every moment and every memory  
Is how you choose to remember it, oh how will you remember me?  
Carrying mountains upon my back  
A piece of fiction turned to fact  
Binoculars to help you see  
Or the sea foam that I used to be  

Last night I found myself weeping for all I have yet to lose  
For things I wish for safekeeping, for mountains I have yet to move  
You gave me your severed ear  
I treaded water in a pool of tears  
I cried for who we used to be  
I wept for you and I wept for me.

 

The Language of Eyes

Big Fish Too Soon 
Let your hair down, I want to save you  
They fed you to the big fish too soon  
I hung around with your demon last night  
He said that I brought comfort  
But could never make you alright  

Alright, alright, alright.  

You ran into my cousin last week  
She didn’t call you by your new name  
You said you had a dream about me that I died  
She told you I was fine but  
you didn’t call to see if I was  

Alright, alright, alright.  

Let your hair down, I want to save you  
They fed you to the big fish too soon  
You said that there were three of them,  
You didn’t put up a fight  
They left you in the snow and you were not  

Alright, alright, alright. 

 

Cheek & Bruise 
On awnings and gravestones, engraved in my bones  
I didn’t see you arrive  
But I best be going, I only came ‘cause I heard you were gunna be here  
Oh, talk is cheap  
Don’t entertain the notion  
I’m too big to sit on your knee  
And too small to devour your devotion  

I stride into the fancy restaurant  
Get myself a table by the window  
Sir, can you direct me to the bathroom  
if you’re not too busy?  
Expensive smile, whitened to the T  
Gee, I’m sure glad I’m not the one  
who has to scrub these toilets  

Young blood, lovely face  
An existence stronger than a myth,  
as useful as a rake  
The colour’s coming back, the colour’s coming back  
In each cheek and bruise  
And I’ve got a lot of it,  
I’ve got a lot of explaining to do.  

I used to sit and wait  
And drop everything if you happened to need me  
Now you say that you couldn’t care less  
if you never ever saw me  
Well I’ll go away, a thoughtless misplacement  
There’s always room for that  
unwavering replacement  

I feel like a three-legged dog being  
forced to pull a sled of raw meat  
But if it was written from the heart  
then I don’t have to transpose anything  
What’s the use? I was only trying to savour you  
Time is just a series  
of four-dollar photo booth snapshots  

Young blood, lovely face  
An existence stronger than a myth,  
as useful as a rake  
The colour’s coming back, the colour’s coming back  
In each cheek and bruise  
And I’ve got a lot of it,  
I’ve got a lot of explaining to do.  

Young blood, ugly face  
An existence stronger than a myth,  
as useless as a rake  
The colour’s coming back, the colour’s coming back  
In each cheek and bruise  
And I’ve got a lot of love stashed away for you. 

 

Pantomime 
I stood there all in black, with my face painted white  
Noticing the frame that fit around you  
I said what I didn’t mean, I left without being seen  
Miming all the while the wall between us  

Then you leaned in for a kiss  
But you couldn’t get past that which separated us  
You wore my summer dress  
You looked like a photograph of happiness  

You said:  
“Come a little closer, I promise I won’t bite.”  
I knew you didn’t want to be alone.  
Your halo was glowing when I visited you that night  
But you sounded so defeated on the phone.  

I stood among the crowd, feeling like a ghost  
Remembering a time when we were strangers  
I laughed the memory off, but love is like a cough  
Even a small one can’t be concealed  

Then you leaned in for a kiss  
But you couldn’t get past that which separated us  
You wore my summer dress  
You looked like a photograph of happiness  

You said:  
“Come a little closer, I promise I won’t bite.”  
I knew you didn’t want to be alone.  
Your halo was glowing when I visited you that night  
But you sounded so defeated on the phone.  

You sounded so defeated on the phone  
You sounded so defeated on the phone  
You sounded so defeated on the phone. 

 

Charming Walls 
I ask you another question Just to hear your voice  
I walk past your workplace  
Like I have a choice  
If only the moon had not skimmed my skin that night  
Like a song on your pillow, a plight  

And there you were like you never were  
Like a faded love like light for life  
Flickering about like I’m the one to blow you out  

Somewhere there’s a tin girl in need of an oil change  
Somewhere there’s a tin girl in need of an oil change  
Your fur was so warm on my wall  
Your fur was so warm on my wall  

To be killed in a moment  
Gorge then gasp  
There’s refuge in recollection  
Or regret, perhaps  
If only I had not hung you on my wall  
But for a painting you were so beautiful  

And there you were like you always were  
Like a faded love like light for life  
Flickering about like I’m the one to blow you out  

Somewhere there’s a tin girl in need of an oil change  
Somewhere there’s a tin girl in need of an oil change  
Your fur was so warm on my wall  
Your fur was so warm on my wall  

(Somewhere, tin girl, somewhere, in need….)  
(Somewhere, tin girl, somewhere, in need….) 

 

As It Seems 
Sitting on a park bench waiting outside  
You tell me to run but I wish to hide  
Deep in the center of your chest pocket  
So I lean in close to you so dear  
Tell you all the things you don’t want to hear  
Until your heart expands, arms outstretched  

But that’s the problem with embraces  
I don’t wanna let go and face it:  
That we all collide, just to drift apart again  
But at least I’m not as sad as I used to be  
At least I know the meaning of sanity  
A little less afraid of morning light  

Lover without a lover, friend without a friend  
Pay attention to the signs at every dead end  
Nothing is as it seems and yet everything is  
Another chance to receive all that  
you’ve ever had to give  

Feeling distraught and so confused  
All I wanna do is comfort you  
and abandon myself, yet again.  
But I can’t go back to those days no more  
It was different then, now I can’t ignore  
All that I have learned between the lines  

All the ghosts of who we used to be  
Float around sometimes inside of me  
That’s why I still bruise easily  
But I refuse to be defined  
By all that I have failed to find  
I may not know who I am,  
but at least I know who I’m not. 

 

Like Losing 
If I was time, would you kill me?  
Would you light up with your friends  
drunk in melancholy?  
Laughing about how all of this  
doesn’t even matter anymore  
When the one you love becomes  
banished from your door  

And your core aches  
I feel it like a weed  
At the bottom of the lake  
Plucked from the womb  
Courageously awake  
Like a sick fish  
Waiting for the bait  

If I was time, I would kill me  
I wouldn’t be getting in the way constantly  
I would not be a thief to the night  
And a sickened saviour by the day  
I would be hooked on the fact  
That I wouldn’t have anything to say  

Forever and a day  
My core will ache  
I feel it like a weed  
At the bottom of the lake  
Plucked from the womb  
Courageously awake  
Like a sick fish  
Waiting for the bait 

 

The Beauty of Decay 
He said: “One day you’re going to run out of skin,  
And then no one will be around.  
Yeah, one day you’re going to run out of skin,  
And then no one will stick around.”  

Do you ever wish you could  
work as hard as you cry?  
Do you ever wish you could  
laugh as much as you lie?  
Do you ever feel it all:  
mad and sad and free?  
Do you ever wish you were  
as happy as you are lonely?  

She said: “One day maybe I will kick this thing,  
But nothing is forever so don’t expect anything.  
Yeah, one day maybe you will understand  
When you lose both your parents  
and your kids and your man.”  

Do you ever wish you could  
work as hard as you cry?  
Do you ever wish you could  
laugh as much as you lie?  
Do you ever feel it all:  
mad and sad and free?  
Do you ever wish you were  
as happy as you are lonely?  

Yeah one day I might run out  
Of skin and then no one will be around  
Yeah one day I might run out  
Of skin and then who’s gunna stick around? 

 

Perfect Avocado 
Open book, and out it fell  
A business card to mark the spell  
Can you tell me why you chase all your tails  
Then chew them off without  
falling in love with feeling like Braille?  
Oh, the things I chose not to see  
The girl I tried not to be,  
So close to reality.  

Oh the things we tell ourselves,  
they’ll kill us in time  
Oh the things I tell myself,  
they keep me confined  

I am a moth without wings  
With eyes for ears, no song to sing  
Reaching for the glow  
Then there’s you, candle-faced silhouette  
I cannot trace you out in this place  
I do recall when you said  
You would not light the waterbed  
If I wasn’t there to blow it out.  

Oh the things we tell ourselves,  
they’ll kill us in time  
Oh the things I tell myself,  
they keep me confined  
So I hail a cab to take me away  
To where the rivers flow  
with letters of your name 

 

The Language of Eyes 
You speak of romance as if it were a disease  
As if your hopeless heart wanders  
and would much rather be  
In my hands when it lands  

And your words resonate within me  
How long until I start to bleed?  
And your words resonate within me  
How long until I stop to bleed?  

Honey I’ll tie a string to your eye  
Honey I’ll tie a string to your ear  
Honey I’ll tie a string to your heart  
And when it gets heavy, when it gets tired  
I’ll be there to pull it  
‘Cause I know we can never be you and I  
When we are around everyone else  
So give a little tug anytime  
When your heart gets heavy,  
when your heart gets tired  
And I’ll be there to pull it  

All that separates us now is inevitable time  
Quietly counting the moments  
I wished you were mine  
When to why, the language of eyes  
And again  

Your words resonate within me  
How long until I start to bleed?  
And your words resonate within me  
How long until I stop to bleed?  

Will you forgive me when I opt to forget myself? 

 

The Outskirts of Optimism 
When I grow up, I want to die  
When I die, I want to be in your arms.  
My ma left me for the blade  
My pa left me for the bottle, I was eight.  
But I didn’t tell a soul  
Now all I get for Christmas  
Is a large lump of coal.  

I used up my one and only lifeline  
Now I’m riding on a smile and a shoeshine  

I can’t remember how to cry  
When I cry, I want to be in your arms.  
You left me for the machine  
I loved you, I was only thirteen.  
But I didn’t tell a soul  
Now I suppose you,  
Well you will never know.  

I used up my one and only  
I screwed up but darling, I will love you only.  

(mouth trumpet solo)  

I used up my one and only lifeline  
Now I’m riding on a smile and a shoeshine  

But I ain’t complaining, I’m just waiting  
On the other line, I’m on the other line  
And I’m sure I’ll be fine.